The official family site-HAROLD J. DUARTE-BERNHARDT-IS DIVORCE REALLY THE ANSWER

Favorite Statements At the moment! ThinkExist.com Quotes The power of words... "A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword." Andreea Nicolae, 20, (Bucharest, Romania-Student at the Academy Of Economic Studies) Love "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave." Mohandas Gandh "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Bertrand Russell When growth is better than being stuck! "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin (1903-1977-French Born-Author and diarist) Thank you, Kirsten Passion… The Drive! "Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... the ecstasy of grief. It speaks to us... guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? If we could live without passion, maybe we'd would know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Like empty rooms, shuttered and dark. Without passion, we'd be truly dead." Shared by Mandy--From "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"--Joss Whedon, Director/Producer--Show Episode: "Passion"--February 24, 1998-5V17--Statement said by "Angelus" Kindness and caring... "One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.* Oscar Wilde Knowing beyond the moment... "Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." (Andre Gide-Frenc Critic, Essayist and Novelist, 1869-1951) "Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see." Arthur Schopenhauer Foolish patience… (Foolish love?) "Patience has its limits. Take it too far and it's cowardice." George Jackson Deeper goodness... "It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right." Friedrich Nietzsche The inverted "rotten apple" principle and politics "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation!" Henrye Kissinger Don't "sweat" the IRRELEVANT stuff.... "Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things." Peter Drucker "80% of results, on anything you do, come from 20% of the effort you put into it." Also known as the 80/20 or the Pareto principle. Named after the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who observed that 80% of property was owned by 20% of the Italian population--From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) pretty nifty principle to remember! Apply it to finances, personal Income, relationships, time with your kids, business budgets. It also works for interpersonal relationships! A good friend can tell you the truth... "A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling." Arthur Brisbane The power of a dream, a vision, "possibility thinking" (Dr R.H.Schuller) "There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence transform a yellow spot into the sun." Pablo Picasso Stop asking how life should be!..."Do and grow life" with what you have! "Life is not what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." Virginia M. Satir (1916-1988) 03-09-2006-Thank you Kirsten for this quote-I studied Virginia M. Satir's model intensily during my educational journey and she has been one of my guiding lights in dealing with people's issues and myself. I happen to be a member of her organization. She is responsible for the creationg of "The Human Process Validation Model" which is based on the premise that all we manifest at any point in time represents what we have learned, consciously, implicitally, cellularly. Our behavior reflects what we have learned. Learning is the basis of behavior. To change behavior, we beed to have new learning. To accomplish new learning, we need a motive, a purpose, a nurturing context, and a trust in something from the outside to help us (Satir notes) Here are some more quotes from her... Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem. We can learn something new anytime we believe we can We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. Aging "You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing!." Michael Pritchard Minimalism… The basic of all basics! "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944) Love and surviving the bad moments... "Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes other feel as you might when a downing man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic." Anain Nin, "The Diary of Anais Nin, volume 4, 1944-1947 The legacy... "The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." William James . A piece of my mind...* by Harold Smart people learn HOW NOT TO BE from their enemies and the bad people around. Stupid people learn VERY LITTLE from their friends and the good people around. People are never against you! They are against what you stand for. People never hate you! They just don’t like themselves in your presence. True love is always* unconditional. Healthy, loving relationships are never unconditional.* Sometimes what's right is exactly the opposite of what love is! Good people do what's good. Bad people do what's bad. God is the only one who can change bad people into good people and show good people they are not so good after all. "We are all broken and wounded in this world. Some choose to grow strong at the broken places." (From an idea my friend Mirella shared with me--Slatina, Romania-Studying English literature at the University Of Craiova--03-29-2006) The time we enjoy wasting is usually a good indicator of our real values… The best things in life feel like we feel when we waste our time! If God is at least* as kind, loving and good as the best person I have ever met in this world... Then I want to get to know Him and spend time with Him!* Good religion teaches us about a good God and encourages us to be like Him to the people of the world. Bad religion teaches us about a good God and encourages us to look down on the people of the world because they are not as good as God is. There is no peace among equals because equality doesn't exist in this universe! Either one prevails and the other follows or they negotiate their differences and create a greater partnership. Truth is always the sum of two half truths and one never catches them at the same time! (The arrogant believes he knows the truth on a certain matter... the wise, the humble, knows that truth is always bigger than what he knows) The truth of the matter is that facts seldom prove the truth. Why? Because truth is inly found in a journey. The most unloving people are those who: You love with all your heart and they don't know what to do with you... Tell you God is good, but don't treat you too well... Tell you they love you, but they don't seem to be able to give you a decent hug... Give you gifts and "things" but don't know how to talk to you... Tell you you are forgiven but somehow you could never approach them like your best friend... Tell you they love you, when in reality they are just "using" you to feel better about themselves.... Won't condemn you, but won't tell you what their convictions are either... They tell you "God bless you" and "I am praying for you" but you feel in your gut they don't really care... They invite you to spend time with them but the real motivation is to use you like an audience to hear their stories and litanies of success!! There is no room for you! THey listen to you but never hear what you say! Most unloving people are simply self-absorbed!... Two responses: Love them... They ususally don't have a clear picture of what love is... Don't get sucked into their game...
*Things my Dad taught me...* *by Harold* My dad was the most influential person in my life… Though age, cultural shaping and geographical distance have created a gap in some ways, he is still "my Dad" and the things my Dad taught me growing up still direct my life… I have shared them with hundreds of people in different settings and I am passing them on to my "kids" as a family "heirloom"... It is so interesting to look back and see how my Dad's early talks were often about: Relationships-Love and compassion... Personal discipline... Hard work and "sweat"... He often quoted to me Thomas Edison's words... "Genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration" A very "cool" view of God... Not being an "institutional" person... a crowd pleaser... but rather someone whose life was directed by understood values and beliefs Warnings about difficult people... Clear distinctions between love and weakness… Love and the inability to stand up to abusive people... Love and just being “nice”… About malicious people... He told me I would find unloving people in any place I went… Learning from others... The simplicity of life... Honesty... I am in the process of writing a book... I often realize as I think and write, that perhaps, my Dad started to write the book I am writing now, long time ago... Of course, my life experiences have added color and a unique dimension to those things he shared with me ... but many of those same principles are the ones I am the most passionate about now! 01-23-2006 10- 22-2007- How interesting! That book was almost finished before Johanna left me and I had dedicated that book to her. I have written another book since then and the manuscript is in New York being prepared for publication in the early part of 2008-Different subject and definitedly a different perspective! Emotional pain changed me forever! I still have to say that my Dad started to write this book when I was a kid... My four kids helped me finish writing this book by their support and incredible spirit. Treat your family and friends well… When all else fails, you may need the help of those you left behind... “Don’t kick the family dog… You may need the dog to bark when the thief comes around!"* On the human insensitivity he observed... "The more I get to know people the more I admire dogs"* My Dad believed dogs were loyal, faithful and primal friends to humans... He would often remind me that at times a master could mistreat his dog, but when he came back to the dog, all it would take was for the master to call the dog's name and the dog would be right there wagging his tail and ready to play... just acting like nothing had ever happened! My Dad lost his Dad when he was three years old. His dog was his “best friend" growing up as a kid! Stay away from envious and competitive people... "Envious and competitive people are like crabs"...* Put a bunch of crabs in a container by the beach... It doesn't matter how shallow it is... If one crab attempts to escape to its natural habitat the others will cling to it and pull it back down. They will all die in the shallow comtainer without water! Envious and competitive people will pull you down with their negative energy... Whenever you feel like you have something good going for you, or you have a dream, or you are passionate about something they will discourage you with their negativity and toxicity! Honor and respect all people, don’t venerate or worship any! "Honor and respect all people, regardless of their background, color or education… DON’T EVER VENERATE OR EXHALT ANYONE... Why? Because they are like you!" (Honestly I had a difficult time understanding how the Pope, the President, or any famous people were like me!) "The most famous, wealthiest and sophisticated in the world have your same needs," my Dad would say...To make his point strong and clear to me, he would remind me that ALL look for restrooms and felt at times flatulent like me... (Lol... That one would always make me chuckle... I understood what he meant, though.) Don’t be “picky” when someone gives you for free, something you need! (Specially if you can't afford it yourself...) “A caballo regalado no se le miran los dientes” "When you get a horse as a gift... don’t check its denture too closely!" My Dad often used "Aesop's Fables" to explain something he wanted me to understand... or to make his point during a conversation. I loved those fables! Here are a couple I remember vividly! About Unhappy, Difficult, Negative People… Sometimes he would share with me about people in his parish (He was a church Pastor) who didn’t seem to be pleased with anything... "You know?," he said one day, "Not even God is able to please everyone!" The Ass and His Masters* An ass, belonging to an herb-seller who gave him too little food and too much work made a petition to Jupiter to be released from his present service and provided with another master. Jupiter, after warning him that he would repent his request, caused him to be sold to a tile-maker. Shortly afterwards, finding that he had heavier loads to carry and harder work in the brick-field, he petitioned for another change of master. Jupiter, telling him that it would be the last time that he could grant his request, ordained that he be sold to a tanner. The Ass found that he had fallen into worse hands, and noting his master's occupation, said, groaning: "It would have been better for me to have been either starved by the one, or to have been overworked by the other of my former masters, than to have been bought by my present owner, who will even after I am dead tan my hide, and make me useful to him." Go for your "best"… Learn to loose with dignity! Say, “I tried,” and be honest about not getting it.* Don’t explain things away or say you didn’t care that much anyway… ( It was a good principle to remember when it came to the “dating scenario”) *The Fox and the Grapes* One hot summer's day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. "Just the thing to quench my thirst,"quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: "I am sure they are sour." It is easy to despise what you cannot get. Don't play "games" to please people... At the end they'll leave you alone! The Bat, the Birds and the Beasts* A great conflict was about to come off between the Birds and the Beasts. When the two armies were collected together the Bat hesitated which to join. The Birds that passed his perch said: "Come with us"; but he said: "I am a Beast." Later on, some Beasts who were passing underneath him looked up and said: "Come with us"; but he said: "I am a Bird." Luckily at the last moment peace was made, and no battle took place, so the Bat came to the Birds and wished to join in the rejoicings, but they all turned against him and he had to fly away. He then went to the Beasts, but soon had to beat a retreat, or else they would have torn him to pieces. "Ah," said the Bat, "I see now, "He that is neither one thing nor the other has no friends." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Go for your best... Aim high! “Es mejor saltar tratando de alcanzar una estrella que mirar para abajo y estrellarte contra el piso”* "It is better to jump trying to reach a star, and get off the ground, than to look down and crash head first into the ground" Don’t try to please everyone… BE YOURSELF AND FOLLOW YOUR CONVICTIONS… "There is only one thing God cannot do… PLEASE EVERYBODY!"* *When I was preparing for a speech contest at the High School on the subject of "Excessive Alcohol Drinking"... My Dad helped me to prepare the speech and then asked me to rehearse it in front of him several times after I memorized the text. Being that he has a Pastor-Evangelist, my Dad was used to addressing audiences and public speaking. So with his help, I won the competition the next four years and since it was a cash price the reward was always welcome by my "poor-student wallet." Here is the statement that "stuck" in my mind after that experience... *"It's better to be enthusiastic about the subject you are presenting, than to know all the details and bore your audience"* He would also remind me that "enthusiasm" comes from a greek word which means "being full of the gods" or "being full of God" (In-Theos-In God) My Dad's favorite Bible verse... "And we know that all things work out for good for those that love God" (Romans 8:28)* "The bad things that happen to us on this earth are NOT from God... But even "bad" trhings will always (now or in the future) turn into good things if we have a relationship with God and believe that He is in control of our destiny. *Wisdom I caught from others along the "Journey"...* *by Harold* *You can learn from everyone and still be yourself... "Milk all the cows you can and make your own brand of cheese" Pastor Dan C. Robles, 1975, Bakersfield, Ca
Thoughts in a picture Roly Utz's (Harold's cousin) boys, Patrick and Roderick dancing at a cafe in Newport Beach, while an Italian singer performed! Hansel took the picture... They were a show to watch! The child is simple, honest, uninhibited, funny, natural, primal, unpretensious, loving, responsive, spontaneous, sensitive, "knows" without knowing, forgives easily, is not anxious or uptight... It's the adult in us that pretends, hides, lies, argues, covers-up, wins or walks away, distrusts, negotiates to win the war he created himself, controls, figures out, fights-back, competes, finds a reason to be negative or to justify fear, gossips, create rumors and doubts about others, becomes his own chosen character on stage, plays the drama of life by himself... even attempts to impress God with good morality, religion and obedient behavior... Relationships with children are simple... you just have to be willing to play... Relationships with adults and grown-ups are like watching a movie... once you figure out the argument, the rest is pure "entertainment"... sometimes it's simply boring! A russian friend gave me a little children's book a few years ago... "The Little Prince" (1943) by Antonine de Saint-Exupery (1940-1944) What a wonderful, simple treasure! One statement by the "Little Prince" still echoes its words in my mind... "Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them" Jesus said the same applying it to an even greater theme... eternity, heaven... "If you don't become like kids you'll miss the elevator going upstairs..." (Harold's respectful contemporary translation of Jesus' words) Being "child-like" often means unlearning most of the skills, habits and reactions we acquired from age 5-15...Scary thought, uh?...

Thoughts in a picture